Wish I’d Known Then What I Know Now

New and expectant parents, our upcoming Summer issue of St. Louis Kids Magazine is for you!  It’ll be arriving on newsstands soon. In the meantime, we’ve compiled the wisdom of hindsight from eight St. Louis-area moms. They share what they wish they’d known ahead of time – and in some cases, even second- and third-time moms found out that they still had a learning curve when the new baby arrived.

Eleanor Cameron White of St. Louis

Mom to Emmett

Here are two items you should take to the hospital: 1. Nail clippers. Who knew he'd come out with nails already long enough to scratch his tiny newborn nose? 2. Big "granny panty" underwear and some loose-fitting, dress-type garments. I had an unanticipated c-section, and the incision was right where all my undies, pajama pants and maternity pants hit. I had to send my husband to Target with very specific instructions, and he barely managed to find something suitable for the car ride home so I wouldn't have to steal my hospital gown.

Also, seriously think about your pediatrician choice. We met a few and chose one. Turns out he was very aggressive about treating or preventing baby problems and seemed rushed and dismissive of my concerns. After three or four months of feeling uncomfortable and/or angry about his attitude and decisions, we switched.

Linsey Kornya of St. Louis

Mom to Julian

Make social support a priority. When I had my first baby I didn't have a single parent friend. Luckily, my midwife's assistant connected me to a few other new moms and made me go to my local La Leche League meeting. I am eternally grateful for her help. I met women who have grown into very close friends and whose children have played with mine every week for almost four years. We had a high-needs baby and some nursing issues, and I really credit my mama friends for helping me get through that first year.

Dawn Pulsipher of St. Louis

Mom to Ivan

When I was pregnant, a friend asked me if I needed a glider or something like that, and I thought of it as an "extra" because my first child slept through the night so well. But Ivan was more like the typical baby, and all I had was this makeshift nursing station with a straight-backed chair, usually putting my feet up on a laundry basket full of baby stuff. Not very restful!

Line up some breastfeeding support. There's a little learning curve there, even if you've breastfed before. Not only do you have to learn (or relearn) the process, you're teaching your little baby who’s never done it before.

Tara Scotti of Lake St. Louis

Mom to Sydney

When I was pregnant I found a lot of cute baby clothes on sale. Even before she was born, I had her entire wardrobe for the next year hung in her closet. For the first month she fit into things appropriate for her age. Then she took off, outgrowing all the cute cloths I had painstakingly prepared for her! She has been consistently in the 97th percentile for her age and at age 1 was wearing a size two. So my mistake is my friends’ fortune, as I dole out these sweet outfits, still with tags, for their new babies.

Kelly Schnitzmeier of Glendale

Mom to Kole

It sounds like a cliché, but you really do need to sleep when the baby sleeps. And to get the baby to sleep, swaddle, swaddle, swaddle! The swaddling blankets work really well.

Store up those memories. Take lots of pictures and video. You think you will remember everything but, unfortunately, you don’t.

Melanie Jackson of Fairview Heights

Mom to Quentin

It is perfectly normal and natural to want alone time away from your child. Do not feel that you and only you can do everything. Encourage Dad to lend a hand, or designate evening feedings or bath time as “daddy time.”

Abandon the guilt factor. Make peace with your decision to either go back to work or be a stay-at-home mom. Know that whatever your decision, you are doing what’s best for you and your family. Let go of the guilt in other ways, too - what’s more important, making sure the dishes are done or getting some snuggle time?

Jayme Bechtel of Wildwood

Mom to Olivia

My daughter was born five and a half weeks early and spent two and a half weeks at St. John's newborn intensive care unit. It was a big culture shock to her – and to me! – when she came home for the first time. When she was in the NICU, she stayed in an isolate no bigger than a shoebox that would hold a large pair of boots, so when I put her in her Pack ‘N Play, she was scared. It took my mom bringing over a smaller bassinet the next day to get her to sleep.

My daughter was also born with acid reflux. She would contort her body in weird positions and I would have to hold her and bounce her in certain ways just to get her to eat. It was very hard and frustrating. Finally her doctor put her on Prilosec, and that really works. (One note: flavoring inactivates it.)

Rachel Kryah of St. Louis

Mom to Vera

Before the birth of my first child I wish I had known just how important my labor and delivery team was to my birth experience. I was very committed to a birth that was unmedicated and had as few interventions as possible. However, this was not the experience I had.

Thankfully, I had another opportunity to experience the birth I wanted this time, knowing that I needed to be surrounded by people supporting natural childbirth. I decided to have a home birth and found an incredible team of people – an amazing midwife and doula, my loving husband and sister, and great friends who helped out with my older son. We all worked together and I successfully gave birth to my daughter Vera at home. It was the most empowering experience I have ever had.

Jenny Costley of O’Fallon, Mo.

Mom to Grace

If you choose to breastfeed and are going back to work, build up a supply of milk while you're on maternity leave. Breastmilk can be frozen and later used once you go back to work. This allows you to maintain your baby on breast \milk a little bit longer and prolong the need to supplement with formula ... a benefit to both baby's health and your pocketbook.

Accept the fact that you will not have time to do everything. I like to be an organized person and maintain a very clean house, but I have learned to loosen my standards. I work full-time so my house is not as clean or tidy as before kids, but I have a cleaning lady come once a month. The stress this has taken off me far exceeds the minor cost. 

By Amy De La Hunt, Health Blogger for SmartParenting