Welcome to our weekly feature, Dirty Laundry, in which we sort through the enormous (and colorful) piles of news and gossip about parents and parenting so you don't have to. And we're throwing it in the spin cycle along with a little bit of snark and a whole lot of judgment. Here's the latest:

New app censors spoilers on social media

You’ve set the DVR for The Voice, headed to your daughter’s tumbling lesson, and spent an hour at the Y fantasizing of the moment you can get home to your couch, box of wine and Adam Levine. You casually open your Facebook account on your phone while you wait, and… “Goddamnit, Grandma!” – she just let the world know which contestant got the boot.

I am the Cinderella of the suburbs. Lured by my Broadway-esque yearnings for my Prince Charming (where for art thou, Jon Hamm?), reptiles, rodents and birds alike regularly descend upon our suburban castle for a little Alan Menken-scribed sing-along.

But these forest friends aren’t buffing my dishes clean with their fluffy tails or sewing me fabulous dresses from old burp cloths – they’re eating all my food, mating in my closets and relieving themselves on my floor like a bunch of inebriated frat boys.

When we lived in the city, we had our share of vermin – like the opossum who became my own personal jack-in-the-box by popping out of the garbage can every time I pitched the trash. Or the squirrel who loitered in our back staircase and went Christmas Vacation on us every time we opened the door.

But living the burbs is a whole new Wild Kingdom. While we live in a neighborhood, we’re also surrounded by acres of cornfields that house a menagerie of creatures that need some place to hang out when the combines take out their natural habitat.

Lots of kids love bugs, and if yours are fans of the crawling creatures, the Saint Louis Science Center has the buggy adventure for them, complete with thousands of live insects, bug cuisine (gulp), and a live insect petting zoo.

The Science Center will open its doors for an insect invasion this week with its new exhibit: Harry’s Big Adventure: My Bug World! The exhibition is a multisensory experience that immerses visitors into the world of bugs by introducing them to thousands of live insects.

Love a good ghost story, but afraid of creeping out your kids? Just in time for Halloween, Trailnet is hosting “Ghosts of the Past” - kid-friendly bike tours of local graveyards that get your entire family up close and personal with the city’s spirit world as well as help you kill off a few calories on a six-mile bike ride.

“Trailnet has teamed up with historian extraordinaire - Harold Karabell – who will lead riders through Bellefontaine and Calvary cemeteries,” explained Josie McDonald, director of communications and marketing for Trailnet. “Riders will visit some of the most important ‘ghosts’ from the city’s past and learn about their roles in the history of both our city and our country – among others, Tennessee Williams and Dred Scott.”

Your family can choose from either “Ghosts of the Past” tour or participate in both for a well-rounded history lesson.

When you’re busy helping your kids with their homework, pretending to go to Pilates, and skipping PTA because you have one more season of The League left to watch, catching up on news sites and watching Brian Williams gets pushed to the sidelines. (But why in the world would you ever neglect dreamy Brian Williams?)

So welcome to our weekly feature, Dirty Laundry, in which we've sorted through the enormous (and colorful) piles of parenting news and gossip so you don't have to. And we're throwing it in the spin cycle along with a little bit of snark and a whole lot of judgment.

I liked you very much. Just the way you were.

It's finally beginning to feel like fall. (Ok. not really, but if you step outside really early in the morning, before you've even had your coffee, there is a bit of a nip in the air.) But it is the time of year to start scouring for that perfect pumpkin. And in St. Louis, a trip to the pumpkin patch means you're in for a day of carnival rides, petting zoos, wagon rides, custard, funnel cakes and bounce houses along with the full fall harvest to load up into your minivan.

Here are a few popular pumpkin patches to put on your list.

I used to think it was normal parenting behavior to spend every waking moment brainstorming horrific random things that could happen to your kids.

“So, what about being attacked by a family of jellyfish?” My friends stared at me like I had a tap dancing chimp on my head. “Sinkholes filled with alligators?” I asked hopefully.

You might say I'm a worrier. And I thought I had run through every possible emergency parenting scenario and how I would react – always emerging the hero, obviously – in my head, but that's the thing about being a parent. You're all ready to push your kid out from under a falling tree branch and then a runaway Shriner car jumps the curb and flies into the parade crowd.