Out of the Norm

If we're going to be perfectly honest here, I would guess that I spend roughly 25 seconds of every minute wondering whether or not my kids are normal. The other 35 seconds are usually dominated by wondering what I'm going to have for dessert.

You can call me crazy, but last night as I was hiding in the bathroom pretending like I was vomiting but really just trying to get a moment of peace as I surfed the web, I read an email from BabyCenter titled: “Is Your Baby Normal? Your Top 30 Questions Answered.”

The fact that I even got this email led me to believe I'm not the only one who worries they're going to be taking care of their own 90-year-old self.

However, the big difference is that BabyCenter answered questions like, “Is it normal that my baby seems angry?”, “Is it normal for my baby to drink bath water?”, and “Is it normal for my baby to stare at his hands?”

To me, all the questions on their list were WELL within the parameters of normal in my parental playbook. I mean, no kidding your baby's angry – baby food tastes like socks and she's sitting in her own feces.

My questions fall more in the camp of, “Is it normal that my 3-year-old won't stop putting her mouth on my tailpipe?” and “Is it normal that my 2-year-old is obsessed with lifting up my shirt so she can play with my belly fat?”

Of course I'm not going to mention these (and many, many other) questions to their pediatrician for fear of tarnishing the impeccable reputation as a perfect parent I've worked so hard to achieve with him and his nurses.

No, I prefer to use the old fashioned way when it comes to measuring how my kids stack up on the 'normal' curve. Taking them to public places and secretly judging the other kids while I pretend to make small talk with their parents but I'm really searching for weaknesses in their parenting strategies to reassure myself that I'm superior.

Which brings me to my point.

Sunday I took the girls to the Creation Station at the Museum of Transportation. A long-time Mayer family favorite St. Louis destination, especially during the winter months when I'm desperate to get them out to run around and “blow the stink off,” as my friend Angie says.
 
With so many activities in one big cool space it's really the perfect opportunity to gauge where your child falls on the scale of normal. And you just sit back in one of those big ole rocking chairs with the other parents and take some mental notes while your kids play in a play house, play kitchen, with some train sets, put on a puppet show, do some craft projects, play with some arty things on the wall that I have no idea what they are... the list goes on and on.

Of course, MOST kids play with all of those things. My older two kids usually just take turns playing with a plastic fish for an hour while my one-year-old eats trains.

That's normal, right?

The Creation Station is open Thursdays and Fridays with four boarding times, and family Sundays on December 2, 16, 23 and 30.

Admission is on a first-come, first-served basis and I recommend arriving at least a half hour early because time slots fill quickly.

By Hannah Mayer, events and family life blogger for SmartParenting

Hannah Mayer recently traded her Blackberry Smartphone for a Strawberry Shortcake when she retired from her 12-year career in advertising to become a full-time Mom to 3-year-old daughter Elliot, 2-year-old daughter Lillian, and 1-year-old daughter Hadley ("Hey, my husband is hot, okay?"). In her free time she enjoys eavesdropping on her neighbors' cordless phone conversations through the baby monitor, volunteering as an English tutor for the St. Louis Public School district and bucking the stigma that accompanies three car seats by challenging fellow drivers to freestyle battle raps from her mini van.

Hannah has written and published several fictional short stories but her entree into baring her soul to the world can be found at her blog sKIDmarking and her novel in progress Cute Little Bundle of Crazy. You can follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/the_sKIDmark or become a fan at facebook.com/sKIDmarking.