Like most married couples I know, my husband and 
I have a celebrity “list.”
You know, that special list of celebrities where, if the opportunity arises, we can totally blow off dinner plans and dump the kids on the other to go to a book signing. No questions asked.
It's a rule that I totally cashed in on last Friday night when Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, came to St. Louis to promote the paperback edition of her new book.
For a blogger, going to a book signing by The Bloggess is pretty much the equivalent of meeting Jesus and asking him to sign your Bible.
She is funny and quirky and brilliant and I'm almost positive could heal a leprosy-riddled prostitute with laser beams that shoot out of her magical typing fingers.
We are totally BFFs. In my mind.
If you've never been to a book signing, it's basically like a rock concert for nerds. Before you take offense to that you should know that I hold nerds in the highest regard. If not for us, man would have never set foot on the moon. And how are the cheerleaders supposed to be able to concentrate on the big game if they can't blow off steam beforehand by giving you a swirlie in the locker room toilet?
Our existence is integral to the future of civilization.
So anyway, at a book signing you and your nerd friends (AKA my fellow St. Louis Kids Magazine bloggers) sit shoulder to shoulder in a book store in excited anticipation of listening to a real-life reading by the author, discussing your favorite parts as you wait.
In this case, it was at Left Banks Books downtown location. Which, I told my husband afterward, is hands down the coolest bookstore I've ever been in. And I've been in a lot (see nerd explanation above).
Oh, and there's usually wine involved.
“Do you think she's going to talk about her rooster Beyonce´?” We squealed.
“What if she forgot to take her anxiety meds and has a panic attack and hides in the bathroom? That would be so cool!”
Finally, she took the podium to a room full of frenzied fans. Some screamed. Some sobbed uncontrollably until they fainted. Some threw their bra on stage. Okay, maybe I was the only one doing all of those things.
After a little small talk, she began reading a chapter.
I closed my eyes and held a lighter in the air as she said the words, “I felt like I was going to poop out my own colon.”
Literary genius, people.
I don't remember much after that because, well, honestly I don't get out all that much and the excitement of meeting my writing idol combined with a gross underestimation of my wine tolerance made the evening a little fuzzy.
Luckily I was able to pull it together when we met in person afterward. I'm a pretty big deal on the St. Louis blogging scene, and I wondered if she had ever heard of me.
She had not.
I left with two autographed copies of her book clutched tightly to my chest and a vow that someday she will recognize my name. Even if it is on the other end of a restraining order.
And yes, you heard that correctly. TWO autographed books. One for me and one for... well, YOU if you're randomly chosen!
Just leave a comment below and you'll be entered to win an autographed copy of Jenny Lawson's paperback book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, that features an awesome bonus chapter.
We'll draw a random winner at 8 p.m. on Thursday, March 21.
Good luck, nerds!
By Hannah Mayer, events and family life blogger for SmartParenting
Hannah Mayer recently traded her Blackberry Smartphone for a Strawberry Shortcake when she retired from her 12-year career in advertising to become a full-time Mom to 3-year-old daughter Elliot, 2-year-old daughter Lillian, and 1-year-old daughter Hadley ("Hey, my husband is hot, okay?"). In her free time she enjoys eavesdropping on her neighbors' cordless phone conversations through the baby monitor, volunteering as an English tutor for the St. Louis Public School district and bucking the stigma that accompanies three car seats by challenging fellow drivers to freestyle battle raps from her mini van.
Hannah has written and published several fictional short stories but her entree into baring her soul to the world can be found at her blog sKIDmarks and her novel in progress Cute Little Bundle of Crazy. You can follow her on Twitter @The_sKIDmark or become a fan at facebook.com/sKIDmarking.
Hannah Mayer is a nationally award-winning blogger, humor columnist and exponentially blessed wife and mother of three. She would trade everything for twelve uninterrupted hours in a room with Jon Hamm and two Ambien. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram or at her blog, sKIDmarks.
Storytelling in the Museum is an in-person storytelling event happening at 10:30 a.m. at the Missouri History Museum. This event, perfect for the preschool set, features engaging stories with themes like Grandparents Day, Hispanic Heritage Month, and mealtime. Storytelling in the Museum is free.
Explore songs, finger plays, music and more during this Music & Movement class for ages 0-6. Some sessions are held in person at various branches of the St. Louis County Library. Some sessions are virtual.
Tiny Trekkers is a weekly nature-based program for preschoolers (ages 3-5) at the Nature Institute. Preschoolers explore the nearly 500 acres of preserves through hands-on experiences out in nature. Kids stomp through creeks, use nets to catch and observe insects, taste edible plants, and learn about the natural world.
Open Gym at Miss Kelly's Gym is an opportunity for any child to have supervised free play in the gym. They can work on existing skills, try something new, or simply play around. It is completely up to them! Open Gym is open to both members and non-members ages 12 and under.
At this free art program for ages 3-6 the focus is on the process of making art rather than the finished product. Dress to get messy!
