10 Things I Won't Miss About Being Pregnant in the Summer

Ahh, summer! What’s better than cookouts, long evenings, fun in the sun, toes in the water and a drink in your hand? Oh wait…you’re pregnant! Go ahead and assume you’ll be one hot mess the whole time.

Don’t get me wrong, summer is usually fun and fab, but being heavy with child when it’s hot and humid is the worst. Here’s why:

1. “Hot” has new meaning.

You’re ALWAYS hot. You’ve got high temps happening externally plus an internal heater that you can’t turn off. Even with the A/C on full blast, you’re about ready to strip down to your underwear in front of everyone. Being baked inside and out will do that to you. The good thing is your kids find joy in bundling up to play Eskimos in your ice cold house.

2. Constant sweat is your new reality.

All that heat means you produce enough sweat to water your garden. Outside? Sweating. Inside? Sweating. Awake? Sweating. Asleep? Definitely sweating. You leave lovely butt-sweat prints everywhere you sit. Bonus: You get to experience the sweaty-boobs-to-belly-touch phenomenon that will make you feel oh so sexy! Might as well just go live in the shower.

3. Sunscreen is a major chore.

One sunny day you’re actually in a good mood and decide to get the family outside. But first you need to rub that never-ending cream on every inch of your exposed body (must be a yoga pro to accomplish this). Then try to wrangle your kids for the same task. Fifteen minutes later, after much blood, sweat (of course!), and tears, good mood is gone, girl.

4. You’re hairy as a dog.

Late pregnancy is a great time for no-shave November if you can time it that way, because shaving will become a thing of the past. The once routine task is now nearly impossible. You could just wear pants, but um, no, because #1 above. And you can totally forget about any sort of bikini shave. No visibility = likely lady bits massacre. Just let it go (er, grow).

5. So. Much. Pee.

Summer makes the call of your bladder so much worse. You’re drinking more to stay well-hydrated, like you should. But extra fluids combined with the fun fact that your bladder now serves as a pillow and/or punching bag at all times means running to the restroom is your new job (and by running, I mean waddling).

6. Sleep is just a dream.

Pregnancy problems contribute to poor sleep throughout the year, but a hot climate multiplies the madness. Your partner will be snuggled up in multiple blankets while you toss any removable material and burn in your fiery furnace while plagued by heartburn and multiple pee trips through the night. (Maybe this is nature’s way of preparing you for the sleep-starved newborn nights ahead!)

7. You reach new levels of laziness.

Chores suck already. Now you have a legitimate reason to hate them. It’s not that you don’t care or are actually lazy – you’re working hard 24/7 growing a life and you’re freaking tired! Vacuuming just isn’t an option today. But you can count on the second you sit down, kids, pets, or partner will need something immediately. Sorry y’all, you’re gonna have to wait until mama bear chooses to grunt, rock, and roll her way outta this La-Z-Boy.

8. Summer wardrobe woes.

You desperately want to look adorably pregnant in the summer maternity clothes you bought months ago. Those glowing fashionable models with the cutest baby bumps? Totes adorbs. Red-faced, hairy you in a crop-top and surprisingly short shorts with new fat blobs in places you didn’t know existed and monkey butt from all the sweat? Not so cute.

9. You’re seriously bugged.

As if flies, mosquitoes, gnats, and ticks aren’t annoying enough already, you have Zika virus and other bug-borne illnesses to worry about. At least bug spray is a bit easier to apply than sunscreen, right? (Bring on those pesticide solutions so you can worry about the chemicals in them, too!)

10. You become the party pooper.

Considering all of the above, you just have so much nope! going on. While everyone else is enjoying good times and summer activities, you’re a hormonal mess over here like go away, I just want a nap! You can’t even relax with a refreshing adult beverage after a long day of insanity. (In that case, you can bet I’ll be giving in to my craving for a big bowl of ice cream with all the sprinkles. And no, I’m not sharing.)

Sigh. Pregnant life is rough, especially if you’re due in the summer. I promise it will end! In the meantime, you can use your belly as a shelf to hold bowls of watermelon (or ice cream).