6 Steps to a (Relatively) Stress-Free Holiday Season

Every year, a few weeks before Thanksgiving, my husband starts to get twitchy. And, no surprise, his strange behavior almost always coincides with the day I dare to bring up the holidays looming ahead.

As soon as we start debating the intricacies of which relatives to visit when (or more accurately, which side of the family we’ve decided to piss off more this year), it becomes obvious that he’s ready to crack.

“I’m going to clean the deep fryers that day,” he told me recently, when I mentioned that we had yet to make plans for this year’s Thanksgiving. He was kidding, but still, a man who jokes about choosing a vat of deep fried fat over a day filled with family is a man who clearly would not agree that this is “the most wonderful time of the year.

What’s the Source of Our Holiday Stress?

As relaxing and joyful as the holidays are intended to be, the reality is that they often yield nothing but stress – especially for those of us knee-deep in the trenches of raising kids.  

We’re burdened by the expectation of creating a Pinterest-perfect holiday.  We’re overwhelmed by the sheer number of seasonal outings and activities we’re expected to participate in. And we struggle endlessly to balance the needs of our children with the demands of family members who routinely expect us to somehow be in twelve different places at once.  

Add in several inevitable choruses of “I didn’t raise my kids that way and they turned out fine,” and it’s no wonder that many of us would rather skip the holiday season entirely.

Unfortunately, as much as we may want to jump into a Charles Dickens’ novel and channel our inner Scrooge (or go clean deep fryers – pick your poison), we can’t escape the holidays, or the family obligations that go along with them. Hoping to actually enjoy spending time with your nearest and dearest this holiday season? Here are my top 6 suggestions for making it happen:

1. Be Smart About Your Schedule

Struggling to appease multiple relatives with your holiday plans? Consider these options:

• Play hostess. Channel your inner Clark Griswold and invite everyone to celebrate under your roof. Yes, you have to cook, but at least nobody will feel slighted when you don’t visit.    

• Alternate holidays. Visit one side of the family one year, and the other side the next. Or consistently spend Thanksgiving with one side, and Christmas with the other.

• Ignore the calendar. Who says Thanksgiving has to be celebrated on Thursday anyway? You can always celebrate with some relatives on the actual holiday, and plan a second Thanksgiving dinner with other relatives over the weekend.

2. Put Your Own Family First

It may seem harsh, but trying to placate extended family at the expense of your kids is nothing more than a recipe for disaster. Sure, you want to be flexible when you can, but encourage family members to realize that disrupted nap schedules, bedtime delays, and pre-mealtime meltdowns are no laughing matter.

If you don’t want to fly cross-country at Christmas with a newborn, don’t do it – no matter how much it hurts Aunt Zelda’s feelings. And if driving around town to three different Thanksgiving dinners leads to nothing but cranky kids and arguments with your spouse, make different plans.

3. Avoid Hot-Button Issues

You know what they are. Got skeletons in your family closet? Don’t bring them out. Or with the recent election, maybe it’s politics that you need to take off the Thanksgiving table. Now is the time to agree to disagree, so try to tactfully steer conversation away from any topics you prefer not to discuss.

4. Have Confidence in Your Choices

Criticism of our personal choices (whether real or perceived) is one of the biggest sources of holiday stress, especially for parents of young children. For some reason, we’re always fair game, and it’s easy to get defensive – and have a horrible holiday – when you feel like your parenting style is under attack.

Trust me, I’ve struggled with this one over the years, and I’ve bitten my tongue more times than I can count. But in the end, I’ve also learned that the best way to combat the criticism is simply to have confidence in my own choices.  Eleanor Roosevelt was absolutely right when she said ‘’no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

5. Feel the Love

It’s easy to see the worst in any situation, but it’s always better to look for the silver lining. Instead of focusing on all the ways your family drives you crazy, reflect on all the little things – even the crazy little things – they do that prove how much they love you.

Try to remember that family members fight over our time at the holidays because they truly want to see us. And that they wouldn’t be questioning our parenting choices if they didn’t genuinely care about our kids. (Although really, can’t they find a better way to show it? I for one would prefer free, unlimited babysitting.)

6. Spike the Punch

This is where you can finally put Pinterest to good use during the holidays – a few champagne cocktails and suddenly your entire family becomes a lot less overwhelming and a lot more fun. And word to the wise, a well-spiked punch will mellow even the most maniacal family member.

Hey, don’t judge. It’s not like I’m suggesting that you keep them in line by stuffing your turkey with Prozac. Besides, everyone knows that you should always keep the good stuff for yourself.

Especially at the holidays.

By Alyssa Chirco, SmartMama blogger for SmartParenting