A couple of years ago a dear friend shared with me some valuable advice: Every morning on the way to school she told her children exactly what she expected of them that day. She found her kids responded very well to this, and almost always rose to the expectation.
Instantly I began using this almost everywhere we would go: play dates, extended family dinners, holiday parties, birthday parties, etc. I would, and still do, instruct my children to use their manners, thank the hosts, think of a compliment, and to respect other people's houses and toys. I always make it clear that it is an honor to be invited. If we behave we often are invited back. But if not, then we risk never being invited again.
I even use this technique when going to the grocery store and running other errands. Each place we go has slightly different rules, but I believe it is important to begin trying to guide my children on what is acceptable in these settings.
First, let me explain that I find it helps to tell them before we arrive. That way, they can prepare themselves before becoming distracted with their new surroundings. I don't say all of these every time, and I alter what I say depending on if I'm speaking to my 8, 5 or 3-year-old, but these are a few of my expectations for my children. I aways say them politely, and then often tell them that if they follow all of these rules, how proud I will be and even eager to return with them another time.
If I know I will be asking a lot of them, and for a longer period of time, I will often follow it up with "If you behave, when we get home you get to . . ." Often the reward is to watch a movie, have a favorite snack, or I try to think of something else special for them.
I don't always like to bribe my kids, and don't want them to think all good behavior deserves a reward each and every time. I believe they should always aim to be the best version of themself. But, they are still young children. If I have a full day planned with running errands and doing my things, then I like to reward them with something fun at the end.
Below are a few examples of places that we might go and what I might say to them in the car before we arrive:
On Our Way to School: Please . . .
On Our Way to The Store: Please . . .
On Our Way to Someone Else's House: Please . . .
Take off your shoes when we go inside
Remember your Pleases and Thank yous
Do not grab toys without asking first
Stay in the rooms they are entertaining in (do not go upstairs or downstairs without asking first)
Our house rules still apply — no running, wrestling, jumping on furniture, yelling, etc.
Have fun
With this one I like to remind them that if we behave well, we might get invited back. But we are acting out or not following the rules, then they may not want to have us over again. I try to help them understand what an honor it is to be invited into someone else's house, and that the best way we can show them our appreciation is by using our manners and respecting their property.
On Our Way to the Park: Please . . .
Karissa Tunis is a mom of three and co-owner of adorethem.com, a parenting web site that strives to share positive, practical advice and resources to help you find joy in your parenting journey.
See the amazing sea lions at the Saint Louis Zoo perform for the crowd and cheer them on from the bleachers as the popular Sea Lion Spring Training Shows return. You'll see these beautiful animals perform flipper walks, ball balancing, Olympic-style dives on a high-diving platform, lots of splashing and even more surprises!
Bring your babies and toddlers to this free story time at the Missouri History Museum.
Storytelling in the Museum is an in-person storytelling event happening at 10:30 a.m. at the Missouri History Museum. This event, perfect for the preschool set, features engaging stories with themes like Mardi Gras, geology, Black History Month, Groundhog Day and more. Storytelling in the Museum is free.
Dinoroarus is back for a limited time at the Saint Louis Zoo. This engaging attraction for all ages features 14 groupings of animatronic and stationary dinosaurs - colorful, prehistoric creatures that move realistically, some roaring and spiting or placidly munching on lush vegetation.
Learn about Waldorf education by observing classes in session at the Waldorf School of St. Louis.