The Mom Uniform

Even before I became a stay-at-home Mom I wasn't what anyone would consider a snappy dresser. Blame it on my Midwestern small town roots – prior to K-Mart coming to town the only place we had to buy clothes was the gas station.

That, and the fact that it took three nights of babysitting to buy a new pair of jeans (is anyone else disturbed at the inflation rates of babysitters in the last 15 years?) put me well on the path of choosing sweats over stilettos.

However, when I worked in an office, my ratio of clothes you can't sleep in vs. clothes that double as pajamas was about 5:1.

But slowly, over the course of the past three years of hanging with my kids, the tides have turned. Some people might call the way I dress “slovenly”, or “disgusting to look at,” however, every piece of clothing I wear comes with thought and purpose.

I like to call it the uniform.

As you can see, even famous moms (like Katie Holmes, above right) take cover in "the uniform," and on the streets of New York, no less.

A uniform staple is yoga pants. I like yoga pants because I can always pretend like I've just been at the gym. Sometimes I'll splash water on my forehead and do some stretches in the fruit aisle of Trader Joe's just to add to the effect.

The pants must have a high enough waist that I'm not pulling them up over my meat apron all day and a high enough hem at the ankles so that when I run through a puddle chasing my kids in the parking lot I don't walk around with cold calves.

And they must be really, really stain resistant – I'm going to be wiping everything from peanut butter to snot on those suckers from morning 'til night.

If I'm going someplace important, however, like a doctor's appointment or a wedding, of course I'll dress up and wear jeans. But they still must have all the same qualities as the yoga pants (high waist, booger resistant, etc.)

The ideal uniform top can double as a coat or Kleenex in case I run out of wiping room on the pants. Usually a hoodie about three sizes too big fits the bill. My personal favorite is one I bought a few months ago at Chandler Hill winery. A hoodie with a winery logo says, “Sometimes I'm cool – just not right now.” It also has pockets for sucker sticks, pacifiers and coupons.

And, all of that awesome fleecy goodness is book ended with a ponytail secured by a couture plastic headband and tennis shoes.

Now, I know not every mom shares my fondness for the uniform. I see many a hot mamma filing in with fancy boots and stylish sweaters as I pick up my kids from pre-school. Usually when they see me they politely say “Oh I like that winery”, or “What's that smell?”

And my sweaty workout Mom friends always show up looking super fly and frequently discuss the latest workout fashions at Meow Meow Melon (or fruit something store). I usually show up in a t-shirt that I got for winning a pie eating contest 10 years ago.

Trust me when I tell you that I've tried to bring my wardrobe into the twenty-first century. Usually about an hour before a social media club meeting as I'm hyperventilating while running store to store in the mall. And.. I don't know... this year's fashions just don't seem to agree with my body type anyway:

I'm pretty sure anything even close to this would scare the children.

What about you? Waistcoat or warm up suit?

By Hannah Mayer, events and family life blogger for SmartParenting

Hannah Mayer recently traded her Blackberry Smartphone for a Strawberry Shortcake when she retired from her 12-year career in advertising to become a full-time Mom to 3-year-old daughter Elliot, 2-year-old daughter Lillian, and 1-year-old daughter Hadley ("Hey, my husband is hot, okay?"). In her free time she enjoys eavesdropping on her neighbors' cordless phone conversations through the baby monitor, volunteering as an English tutor for the St. Louis Public School district and bucking the stigma that accompanies three car seats by challenging fellow drivers to freestyle battle raps from her mini van.

Hannah has written and published several fictional short stories but her entree into baring her soul to the world can be found at her blog sKIDmarks and her novel in progress Cute Little Bundle of Crazy. You can follow her on Twitter @The_sKIDmark or become a fan at facebook.com/sKIDmarking.

Photos: ShutterStock, Hannah Mayer

The Mom Uniform | St. Louis Kids Magazine pinterest.com/pin/3012486625…

— St. Louis Kids Mag (@stlkids) January 16, 2013