When Two Picky Broads Bump Heads

Every toddler has the touch of the OCD. One minute, your child is the sweetest little ray of sunshine, and the next, she busts out with a Courtney Love on Mountain Dew level meltdown because you poured milk in her Dora cup instead of her Elmo one.

There are some kids who easily adapt and simply roll with the punches. Forgot the pink sippy cup? Well, that’s alright, mom – the green one is just spiffy! These toddlers are a rare breed and often cause a mom to stare at them with a mix of awe and wonder usually reserved for a free Hermes bag stuffed with Skinnygirl and Dove bars.

However, the breed of toddler most often observed in nature is that which mysteriously sprout talons and fangs if you put too much toothpaste on their brush.

My three-year-old falls in the latter.

For years, KT and I have battled like two Real Housewives at the dinner table. Most recently, KT has stood firm that no condiment shall touch the food on her plate. Never mind that her French fry serves only as a ketchup delivery device – if that ketchup touches said fry before she is ready to immerse it, the flames of hell will rain down on the Burger King and the poor customers just trying to enjoy their Whoppers.

KT also refuses breakfast after 7 a.m. because “It’s too sunny to eat!” and won’t allow her head to rest on a pillow if that pillow has touched the floor.

If watching Intervention marathons taught me anything it’s that I can’t be an enabler to this behavior. I have to get it through her head now that she is not Beyoncé and therefore the world is not going to bend to her every command. On the other hand, trying to reason with a three-year-old through common sense is as effective as trying to get Ahmadinejad to curb his nuclear program by baking him brownies.

Our most recent blowout came this morning when KT climbed into bed with us at 4 a.m. Which meant at 4 a.m., she lost her temper over how I positioned the blanket on her, and I struggled desperately to decipher the blanket faux pas I unwittingly committed.

“Why is she like this?” I wailed to my husband. “She makes everything so difficult! Why does she have to be so picky?”

“I don’t know where she gets it,” he mused. “Maybe from her mom who will only drink water out of glass or plastic but never from a paper or Styrofoam cup and never with a straw? Or that same mom who will only drink soda in a glass or from a can but never out of a plastic bottle or if there’s chipped ice in it? I believe that mom will also lose her s*** if she’s served Coke out of a two-liter bottle. I don’t know – maybe that’s where she gets it? Just a guess.”

So apparently I’m not as laid back and flexible as I picture myself to be, and apparently this rigidness is an inherited trait I’ve passed on to my offspring along with my giant chin divot and love of Michael Jackson.

Therefore, we both have to understand the value of being flexible and learn to better adapt when things don’t go our way. Otherwise, if you throw the two of us stubborn broads in a ring together, there are bound to be battles for years to come.

A battle sponsored by Coke – fountain Coke in a glass with cubed ice. Not that I’m particular or anything.

By Nicole Plegge, Lifestyle Blogger for SmartParenting
 

Metro East mom Nicole Plegge is the lifestyle and pop culture blogger for SmartParenting. Besides working full time for a local nonprofit and raising two daughters and a husband, Nicole's greatest achievements are finding her misplaced car keys each day and managing to leave the house in a stain-free shirt. Her biggest regret is never being accepted to the Eastland School for Girls.