Talking Like a Sexpert

Today marked my fourth-grader’s final sex education session for the school year. He hasn’t said much about it over the past couple of months, and I’d kind of forgotten about it too. That is, until I started thinking about this blog post to mark the May 1 National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Then I was circling back around, all nonchalant and casual, as I took him and his brother out to get a frozen yogurt on the way home at 5:30 p.m. When he’s older, such an obvious sabotaging of dinner will set off alarm bells. Today it did not, and he readily answered my question about what he’d learned.

First, he said, some of the kids in his class just couldn’t stop making jokes about it. Second, he learned that some kids can’t talk to their moms about stuff like this. And then he gave me some (thankfully) accurate information on the development of the male reproductive system. Because the onset of puberty varies so dramatically, it’s hard to say just when the things he learned about are going to start showing up in his life. That’s why I was especially interested to hear that they wrapped up the session talking about their heads and their hearts, decisions and emotions. Those he can already relate to.

Adolescents — and this stage of life starts around age 11 or 12 — are notorious for making what some call “bad” decisions but what neuroscientists point out are actually completely normal for any mammal who needs to strike out on his own. Adolescents take risks, they ignore age-old advice from their elders, they weigh consequences without an eye to the long-term future. Why else would anyone ever leave the nest? But even though adolescents calculate risk differently from their parents, the majority of high schoolers are not having sex.

Only 48 percent are, according to one of the mini-surveys that pop up during the cleverly designed pregnancy prevention quiz at StayTeen.org. Then again, in the same survey, 40 percent of teens who’ve answered so far have said they “mostly” make good decisions about sex when they’re drunk or high. Only 43 percent said “never.”

Impaired decisions are one reason that 3 in 10 American girls become pregnant before they are 20. Another is the rationalization that it "won't happen to me." Even though teen pregnancy is at a 40-year low (and has declined by 42 percent since its peak in 1990), this rate is still the highest in the world among developed countries, and Missouri is slightly higher than the national average.

City comparisons show that St. Louis is also high in the number of teen moms who have a repeat pregnancy before age 20 (24 percent). If your teen scores “sexpert” on the quiz (and of course you’ll talk about it, right?) and is between ages 14 and 17, consider suggesting that she or he apply to become a part of Youth Leadership Team for The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

These young ambassadors spend 18 months speaking out about the issue on a national level. The deadline to apply is May 14. If your teen could use some pointers on how to avoid sex until he or she is ready, consider adding some new sources of conversation to your repertoire. Real-life situations that others face can lead to honest discussions in your own home.

Some blogs I like are the Mediatrician, where Dr. Michael Rich often discusses media-related sex issues facing older children and teens, and Savage Love, where Dan Savage addresses tricky questions like sex toys and teens with a healthy dose of humor.