The Do's and Don'ts of Dining Out with Kids

If recent headlines are any indication, kids and restaurants are like oil and water – the two just don’t mix. From the Mexican establishment in Texas that implemented yet another ban on children last August to a recent incident at Applebee’s where the police were called on an “unruly” family, it’s clear that we as a society are conflicted when it comes to where our kids belong, and how we expect them to act when they’re there.

Children need to know how to behave appropriately in a variety of social settings. It’s a valuable life skill that will serve them well as they grow. However, it also happens to be one with a serious learning curve. And as parents, it’s our responsibility to figure out which public outings our kids are ready to handle gracefully, and which ones are setting them – and us – up to fail.

Dining out with kids isn’t for the faint of heart. Even the best laid plans can be foiled by a mid-meal meltdown.  But there ARE ways to make the entire experience a more positive one for you and your children, as well as restaurant staff and other guests.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts to consider: 

DO: Be clear about your expectations.

Children cannot live up to your expectations if those expectations are not clear to begin with. Before you head out to the restaurant, remind kids that you expect them to stay in their seats and show respect for other patrons. Practice at home when possible.

Your rules may vary from those of another family, but communicating them clearly should be top priority. Even toddlers understand more than you think (though whether they choose to comply is a completely different story).

DO: Know your child.

My daughter sat through nice meals in expensive restaurants from a young age. Because she was my first child, I thought this meant I had the whole parenting thing all figured out. As you may suspect, I was wrong. When child number two entered the picture, I learned what veteran parents already know: that just because something works with one kid doesn’t mean it will work with another.

If you have a child you know will struggle to sit through a meal, weigh your choices carefully. Hire a sitter. Choose a fast casual restaurant with quick service. Cook at home. Pack plenty of pre-meal entertainment -- think crayons, puzzles, books, snacks. Options exist; find the one that fits the needs of your family.

DON’T: Be afraid to ask for what you need.

Even family-friendly restaurants aren’t always adept at knowing what families need. If your hostess seats you at a table in the middle of the dining room or right in the path of the kitchen, ask for one with a bit more privacy. (Booths are great places to corral active toddlers and preschoolers. Outdoor patios? Also an excellent choice.)  

If you’re not a fan of the options on the kid’s menu, ask if entrees can be split or ordered in smaller portions to accommodate tiny appetites. Within reason, a good restaurant should be able to accommodate your requests.

DO: Tip well.

My kids have grown up in the restaurant business, so they know the type of behavior that is expected when we dine out as a family. Even so, I have yet to figure out how to avoid the mess and occasional mayhem that accompanies our meal. Someone inevitably drops a fork. Our table is always littered with dirty napkins and extra dishes. And I’m always waiting for yet another glass of wine.  

Long story short, our server works harder than if my husband and I were dining alone. I appreciate the extra effort, and tip accordingly.

DO: Know when to fold ‘em.

Elissa Plastino frequently takes her young children along when dining out in casual restaurants, and also to places like professional sporting events and the movies. “I think it is the only way they will learn how to behave in various environments,” says the St. Louis mom of three.

But Plastino also recognizes that a large part of teaching children how to behave in public is knowing when it’s time to remove them from the situation. “Trust me,” she continues, “I’ve left restaurants to sit in the car with a misbehaving child while others finish the meal inside. We’ve had dinners boxed to go before it’s even delivered to the table … It happens to everyone with kids.”

DON’T: Apologize for having children.  

As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children learn what constitutes socially acceptable behavior. When we’re headed out to a restaurant – or anywhere in public – we need to make an effort to set our kids up for success. And we have to step up to the proverbial plate and be ready to let them know when they’re behavior shows room for improvement.

But in the end, they are kids. Of course they aren’t always going to live up to adult expectations. And even when they do, they’re still going to get dirty looks and obnoxious remarks from people who seem to think that they shouldn’t even exist. This doesn’t mean you should feel like you have to apologize simply for bringing your kids into a restaurant in the first place.

As one blogger put it, “My children are not going to grow up with the idea that going to McDonald’s is eating out because you think that their presence detracts from the ambience.”  

DO: Embrace imperfection.  

It’s easy to get so caught up in what other people might be thinking that you forget to focus on what really matters. Life with kids may not be perfect, but they can be pretty fun dining companions when you allow yourself to relax a bit and stop sweating the small stuff. Meltdowns and missteps are all part of the learning process, and eventually they’re going to help you reach your ultimate goal: a pleasant dining experience for the entire family.

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