Desperately Seeking Date Night

Like a lot of married couples, my husband and I rarely find time for date night. In fact, our 11-year wedding anniversary came and went last June, and we have yet to celebrate the occasion with a proper night out. Busy work schedules, family obligations, and – let’s face it – sometimes sheer exhaustion all prevent us from finding the time we need to spend alone together.  

But according to a study conducted by The National Marriage Project last year, we’re foregoing date night at our own peril. Researchers at The University of Virginia determined that couples who go out together at least once a week are three times more likely to report being “very happy” in their relationships. They have better sex lives, and are less likely to get divorced too.
 
And – as if this isn’t enough pressure already – their findings also suggest that date nights even make us better parents.  
 
“Couples with high levels of marital conflict and tension are less likely to develop warm and effective relationships with the children,” claim the authors behind the study. “Their preschoolers, school-age children, and adolescents tend to have more academic problems, more symptoms of anxiety and depression and more anger and aggression in relationships with their peers.”
 
“In short,” they conclude, “date nights have the potential to make important contributions to the development of children.”   
 
I don’t know about you, but I think most parents recognize that there are tremendous benefits to prioritizing time with our partners. We don’t need a study to remind us of just how much it matters. Where we struggle is in figuring out how to actually fit those meaningful moments together into the fabric of our daily lives.
 
Desperately seeking the elusive date night? Here are few suggestions that may help:
 
• Time It Right
 
Who says date night has to equal dinner and a movie on a Friday at 7 p.m.? Try mixing things up with a breakfast or lunch date instead. If you have flexible work schedules and older kids in school, you have the house to yourselves at this time of day (hint, hint).
 
Daytime dates can work well for parents of younger children too. Little ones are often happier with a caregiver during daylight hours, and mom and dad can still be home in time for the all-important bedtime routine.
 
• Embrace Date Night In
 
Maybe you don’t want to pay a babysitter, or you have a toddler who is struggling with separation anxiety. Or maybe you and your partner just feel more comfortable and relaxed when you bring date night into your own living room.
 
There’s plenty of fun that can be had after the kids are in bed. It can be as simple as opening a bottle of wine and catching up on a favorite show in your Netflix queue, or you can get creative with these 32 Stay-at-Home Date Ideas or these Date Night at Home Ideas from The Dating Divas.
 
Whatever you do, think outside the box to create a date night you will both enjoy. For example, my husband and I both love sushi, but because of his demanding work schedule, we rarely make it to a restaurant. As a result, we’ve made late night sushi dates a bit of ritual. I pick up a carryout order before putting the kids to bed, and then we enjoy it together when he gets home. It isn’t perfect (he's usually at work until almost midnight), but it is something we both look forward to enjoying together.
 
• Go for Groupons
 
Let’s be honest, raising kids is expensive. And date nights, as much as we love them, aren’t always cheap. But Groupon and other daily deal sites might just come to your rescue. In this Washington Post article The Groupon Effect: Can Date Night Deals Save Your Marriage?, writer Steve Hendrix explores the idea that daily deal emails not only save couples money on activities they wouldn’t otherwise pursue, but they also force them to make a commitment to dates that have already been paid for.
 
So if you want to get back into the habit of routine date nights? Sign up for those emails from Groupon or Living Social. Buy a few that pique your interest. And then add them to the calendar in bright red ink.    
 
• Embrace the Small Moments (and Remember the Big Picture)
 
With so much pressure surrounding date night, it’s easy to feel frustrated when you can’t make one happen on a regular basis. But it’s important to remember – especially while our children are young and require so much of our energy and attention – that a strong marriage or relationship is about a lot more than the occasional night out on the town.
 
There are many, many ways to connect as a couple, and date night represents only one of them. Don't disregard the small opportunities to enjoy each other's company that exist in everyday life. Share an inside joke. Say thank you. Snuggle on the couch. Give random hugs. Play with your kids. Remember why you fell in love in the first place.
 
As for me, I'm pretty sure my husband and I are doing just fine, even if our date nights are few and far between. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't the end of the world – it's just a season of life.

Eventually, the stars are going to align and our kids are going to grow up, and date nights will once again become part of our regular routine.    

And in the meantime? Well, at least we can always order sushi.