Tips to Defuse a Stressful Situation

Children are simmering little volcanoes of energy. So when we put them in new situations – particularly ones in which they’re forced to sit still, it’s no surprise our angels erupt into mythic cartoon-like creatures with the speed of the Road Runner and the strength of the Incredible Hulk.

So how can we tame the beast in order to snap a decent photo or leave a barber without a bald spot? I asked three experts who specialize in working with children to learn how they calm the savage toddler and to get some tips on how parents can ease the most nerve-wracking of situations.

You want to stick what in my mouth?

Going to the dentist can be traumatic for anyone, but for a child visiting a pediatric dentist for the first time, it can be downright terrifying. And in many cases, it’s us parents that send our kids’ stress levels through the roof.

Dr. Homer Sedighi, of Dr. Sedighi and Associates Pediatric Dentistry in Chesterfield finds that many parents become frustrated or embarrassed when their children act like, well, children, in the exam room.

“When parents are in the room, they want their child to be passive, but in reality, it’s normal for a child to cry at the dentist,” he remarked. “Everything is big and scary to them that first time. As a parent, be supportive, but non-verbal. Don’t get mad at the child or tell him to grow up and stop crying. I was taught if I ever got mad at one of my patients, I was in the wrong business. If he bites me, fine, that’s the way it goes.”

While each dentist is different, Dr. Sedighi takes every step possible to maintain a calm connection between parent and child, from allowing a father to hold his child’s hand during a procedure to encouraging a child to sit on his or her mother’s lap during an exam. In addition, equipment is kept behind a child instead of over him, helping reduce his anxiety.

How can we best prepare our kids for their first dentist visit? Don’t, said Dr. Sedighi. “The best thing for parents is not to say anything. Parents tend to project their past experiences, good or bad, on to their children. Let the pediatric dentist explain everything to the child – I tell the patient what I’m going to do, show him what I’m going to do, and then I do it.”

Calm down - it’s just a trim

It comes as no shock that many kids are nervous at their first haircut. Let’s face it - some stranger is moving toward your head with a sharp object and leaving itchy little hairs around your shirt collar.

At the Hairy Elephant in Ballwin and O’Fallon, Mo., this children’s salon makes haircuts a breeze thanks to its train and car-shaped salon chairs, elephant shampoo stations and an abundance of DVDs and video games. However, it’s the patience of the staff that makes the difference.

Explained Amy Zemek, manager of the O’Fallon salon, “Before the cut, we go up to the kids and introduce ourselves. We have bubbles we blow, and we help them choose movies and suckers. During the haircut, we talk to them, tell them what we’re doing, and help them feel a little better.”

For the kids who absolutely hate haircuts – the “moving targets,” as Zemek called them – helping ease their anxiety comes down to trial and error. While on occasion a parent may hold a child or more likely, simply stand off to the sidelines, said Zemek, “Sometimes it’s better if a parent walks away. We have one child who would cry if he saw his mom, so she would hide. If his mom wasn’t in eyesight, he would be just fine.”

And if all else fails, noted Zemek, pulling your child’s favorite snack out of your purse can work wonders.

Smile. For the love of God, smile

Compliment any parent on his or her family’s holiday card and you’ll be told it took 100 shots to get that one. I understand – we did Christmas photos for a good three minutes before my 4-year-old rolled around in the dirt and my 18-month-old flashed the camera in moves straight out of Girls Gone Wild.

As parents, we can barely sit still for posed pictures, so why in the world would we expect a toddler to be able to?

“If you sit a kid in fancy clothes in front of your Christmas tree and expect them to NOT have a fake smile, you’re kidding yourself,” said Jodie Allen of Fresh Art Photography via email. “You need to get them to loosen up so that they can be themselves and THEN you’ll get natural smiles.”

Whether you turn to a professional photographer or take a shot on your own, Allen suggested incorporating songs, physical comedy, and yes, potty humor, to get natural-looking laughs. For instance, when photographing your kids, have your spouse stand behind you and pretend to fall on you or run and trip to create an avalanche of giggles.

Another option? Get the kids off the couch and into the great outdoors. “We like to shoot in more urban areas because we let kids explore. We let them decide if we’re going to turn right or left at a corner, we take our time. We let them run the show, and sometimes we don’t even start shooting for a while because we want the kids having fun first before our cameras come out. And we NEVER ask them to say ‘cheese’!”

As parents, we have to realize, no matter how mature we think our kids are, they’re still kids. Learning how to diffuse the most stressful of situations ahead of time can help us teach our little ones to sit down, calm down and have fun.

By Nicole Plegge, Lifestyle Blogger for SmartParenting