She's Crafty

By now I'm sure most of you have heard of the website Pinterest – a site dedicated to making you feel like a complete failure not only as a parent, but also as a human being.

I've always thought of Pinterest as a bad relationship – it does me wrong and I swear it off forever but when we're away from each other all I can focus on is the good times.

Before I know it I'm two whiskey sours and three bags of Del Taco in, calling it at 9 p. m. (I have an early bed time) begging it for another chance and offering to make its next Camaro payment.

And, like most bad relationships, I took some pictures I'm not that proud of. Pictures that I hope my children never see.

But in an effort to hopefully save you from the heartache I went through and making the same mistakes I did, I would like to share a sampling of our tumultuous relationship.

The Pinterest Version: An inspiring and sweet piece of artwork to love and cherish forever, commemorating the memory of a fun and loving afternoon spent with your children.
 

Mine: A creepy alien waving at you with ass hands.
 

Pinterest: When I first saw this picture I was sure it was going to be my golden ticket into “you other pre-school parents can suck it-ville.” I realize that might not make much sense to you – what I'm trying to say is that I was trying to compensate for my lack of actual parenting skills by making an unnecessarily time-intensive snack for my daughter's pre-school that would make me look like a brilliant mom who has her act together. And I wouldn't have been terribly upset if anyone got jealous.

Mine: It actually had the opposite effect.
 

Pinterest: A fun and educational project that not only looks adorable on a playroom wall once complete, but also helps your child learn the alphabet while working on fine motor skills.

Mine: The word 'abomination' doesn't even begin to describe these eyesores that went straight into the burn pile. And I'm going to tell you something else. My kids didn't even do most of the work here. I did. They lost interest after it took me like two hours to search for painter's tape, and when I couldn't find painter's tape put the duck tape onto the paper and I couldn't bear to not finish the project I had already invested so much time in.

They also informed me that finger painting is “yucky.” Bear in mind this comment comes from two children who spend the majority of our morning commute wiping boogers on their car seats.

But ultimately they were right – it's disgusting. So I quit after about 30 seconds.

Pinterest: Fun, festive summer snack

Mine: “Wow, those look really delicious, I think I'll try one,” said no one at my party.
 

Pinterest: A meaningful Father's Day gift from the heart
 

Mine: Screw it. Good enough. Who wants pancakes?!

Pinterest: Cute, personal Christmas gift made from children's thumbprints

Mine: Legend has it that if the moon is full on Christmas Eve, Santa's sleigh is guided by Teen Wolf, the bloodthirsty baby eater. At least that's what I tell my kids to make them behave.

Pinterest: Based on my past experience with photos involving my three girls, or any photo session at all in the history of my life, I knew this one was probably not going to end well. I didn't even bother to get them out of their pajamas.

-SHOCKER!- I was right.

I think what's most frustrating about these projects is that they look so easy. But then again so does doing the splits. I just have to accept that some things are never going to happen for me. And I need to stop trying before I break something I might need later.
 

By Hannah Mayer, events and family life blogger for SmartParenting

Hannah Mayer recently traded her Blackberry Smartphone for a Strawberry Shortcake when she retired from her 12-year career in advertising to become a full-time Mom to 3-year-old daughter Elliot, 2-year-old daughter Lillian, and 1-year-old daughter Hadley ("Hey, my husband is hot, okay?"). In her free time she enjoys eavesdropping on her neighbors' cordless phone conversations through the baby monitor, volunteering as an English tutor for the St. Louis Public School district and bucking the stigma that accompanies three car seats by challenging fellow drivers to freestyle battle raps from her mini van.

Hannah has written and published several fictional short stories but her entree into baring her soul to the world can be found at her blog sKIDmarks and her novel in progress Cute Little Bundle of Crazy. You can follow her on Twitter @The_sKIDmark or become a fan at facebook.com/sKIDmarking.