The Thin - And Often Padded - Line Between Stylish and Sexy

Getting my first bra in fifth grade was a little on the humiliating side because 1) I had developed earlier than my more petite friends who teased me about my growing chest (which unfortunately did not keep on pace with the rest of my body as I got older), and 2) My mom picked out a stark white bra wrapped up in plastic from JCPenney which today reminds me of the Seinfeld “bro” (or “manziere” if you lean toward Frank Costanza) or an Ace bandage.

Today’s bras are nothing like ours from the 1980s. Department and specialty stores are packed with an abundance of padded, push-up and lace bras that tweens can choose from, but at the same time, leave their parents sobbing in the aisles over their little girls’ quickly diminishing childhoods. In fact, just a few weeks ago, the British retailer Primark pulled its padded bras off its shelves after media and customer outrage accused the store of sexualizing young teens.

According to Dr. Becky Brittain, The Mothering Coach, (and columnist for St. Louis Kids Magazine) this shift toward a sexier look has been coming down the pipelines for awhile. “Tweens, both boys and girls, want to feel attractive and good about their appearance. They also want to act older when they can. This pattern has been going on for decades,” she remarked via e-mail. 

“However, I believe that the trend towards highly sexualized clothing for tweens is primarily driven by the fashion industry, which wants to sell products and make profits. Tweens are children who are easily influenced by the marketing messages all around them. This is an area where parents need to protect their children, who don't understand the potential ramifications of wearing sexy clothing. Saying ‘no’ is always hard, but we need to do it.”

Have I turned into my mother?

At a recent trip to a discount department store, I was surprised by how many of the tween bras rivaled my own selections in terms of padding and push-up.

“They sure make these sexier than they used to,” I remarked to a tween and her mom and then kicked myself for using the word “sexier” in front of a junior high schooler. So I assured them I was working on an article and was not a predator scouring the Young Miss department. We began to chat as the girl picked out a cute and relatively modest – but certainly more grown-up than anything I ever put on my prepubescent figure – pink bra dotted with skulls-and-crossbones.

“This is nothing compared to what my friends in school wear,” she said. “They dress a lot more provocatively.”

“Really?” I inquired. “How old are you?”

“Twelve.”

D’oh.

Now, I think of myself as pretty laid-back and open-minded when it comes to sexuality, but sheesh! I understand some girls that develop early often need the extra support the thin fabric bras of our childhood lacked. But the thought of overtly sexy underwear and 12-year-olds with camera phones makes me a little nervous.

Although I shouldn’t be facing this dilemma for another seven to eight years, a little preparation for the talk can’t hurt. Remarked Brittain, “Provocative clothing affects a girl's self-image and makes her more willing to take chances with sexual activity. Peer pressure is probably the strongest force in tween girls' lives. Parents need to talk about sexuality with their kids and also explain that feeling good about yourself and being an attractive person is different from looking sexy.”

Until then, it’s up to me and Mr. P to build up our little girls’ self-esteem to help lead them in the right direction when they head on the road to tweendom. Maybe by then the stores will be stocked with some snazzy chastity belts.

By Nicole Plegge, Lifestyle Blogger for SmartParenting