Dirty Laundry: Parenting News and Gossip (Mostly Wrinkled)

When you’re busy helping your kids with their homework, pretending to go to Pilates, and skipping PTA because you have one more season of The League left to watch, catching up on news sites and watching Brian Williams gets pushed to the sidelines. (But why in the world would you ever neglect dreamy Brian Williams?)

So welcome to our weekly feature, Dirty Laundry, in which we've sorted through the enormous (and colorful) piles of parenting news and gossip so you don't have to. And we're throwing it in the spin cycle along with a little bit of snark and a whole lot of judgment.

I liked you very much. Just the way you were.

SPOILER ALERT: Bridget Jones’ brigade of singletons and smug marrieds were horrified this week when author Helen Fielding announced our beloved Mark Darcy would be killed off in Mad About the Boy, the third installment in the book series, coming out October 15. While losing Darcy is hard enough, knowing Colin Firth’s role in the next movie will be limited is gut-wrenching. Firth’s our comfort actor – the soothing equivalent of an afghan and a hot tea. The next thing you know, Fielding will be killing off our yoga pants and cake-flavored vodka.

Pour one out for Breaking Bad

On Sunday night, the Emmy-winning Breaking Bad kicked off its series finale, and in doing so, smashed records for TV viewing, living up to its hype as one of the best shows ever on television. More than 10 million viewers watched the finale, and the show garnered an 80 percent positive rating. But I didn’t watch it – I’m still on episode two, season one because 1) my children have bogarted my Kindle, and 2) it will take Walter White’s entire stash of meth to keep my up past 10 p.m. to watch an hour-long show. So, if everyone can just keep the finale a secret for the next five years until I can catch up, that would be super.

Rumor’s mom has got it going on

If it’s not hard enough already to be compared to your peers and models – now VH1 has taken it one step further. To commemorate the 10th anniversary of Fountains of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom,” the station nauseatingly devoted a whole section on its website to movie star moms who are hotter than their famous daughters. Thankfully, I can hold on to my spot as the Demi of our house since unlike my child, I rarely go out into public without pants or with my hair full of snot and syrup. Though in just a few years, I’m sure those roles will be reversed.

Just so wrong.

Mom channels Kanye in genius parody video

On Monday, Mizzou graduate Marina Shifrin posted an interpretive dance resignation video to give the ultimate kiss-off to her employer. Mom blogger Brenna Jennings created her own hilarious “I Quit” video reminiscent of Shiftin’s resignation, highlighting the poor employment conditions endured by a work-at-home mom. Never before has the line “All the flotsam in my sink” paired so perfectly with Kanye West lyrics.

The Facebook urgent care clinic

The Christian Science Monitor had a great piece this week about oversharing kids’ information on Facebook, and one point particularly resonated with me. Parents – stop posting photos of your kids’ rashes, bug bites, pink eyes, dandruff, poop, and toenail fungus in order to get a free medical diagnosis! I am not a doctor, and neither is that dude who sat behind you in chem class and now posts Obama-is-a-Muslim rants and shirtless selfies – though he can probably cook up some good meds for you in the trunk of his Cavalier.

Keeping your marriage hot

To keep married sex as passionate as it was when you were living in sin, YourTango.com offered five excellent suggestions to help spouses rediscover their sexual selves, allowing them to connect physically and emotionally with their partners. Tonight, the husband and I are going to take the spirit of the article to heart. He’s going to get me all hot and bothered by loading the dishwasher and I’m going to set the mood at bedtime by switching out my 5K t-shirt from 2009 with one from 2013.

Yes, parents can be heartless jerks

Your kid gets stuck in the swing or becomes imprisoned in the clothes hamper. Do you jump up to rescue your tot? Of course – but first you need to snap a photo or two for posterity. The Stir collected 18 photos from parents who grabbed the cameras before the kids, and the results are pretty darn funny. Ok, it may be mean and it may be a little heartless, but you need to seek a little revenge on the kid who kept you up all night and threw a plate of pancakes in your face.

^{Main Photo: iStock. Celebrity photo: Complex Pop Culture. Gif: gifrific.com. Bottom photo: The Stir}

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