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A pet raccoon with a hand-washing obsession. A giant metal chicken with a filthy mouth. A homicidal monkey with mange. If you have a crush on any of these characters, you might just be a fan of writer and mom Jenny Lawson, known to the world as The Bloggess.

Like a lot of parents, I struggle through the final weeks of winter. I’m done with the freezing temperatures, the inevitable flus and fevers, and the seemingly never-ending days spent entirely indoors with children in such desperate need of physical activity that they’ve taken to skydiving off my couch.

When it comes to taking your kids out for some family fun, what's better than free?

Our go-to free destination is the Saint Louis Zoo, but it's not on this list.  Don't get me wrong – we love the Zoo with a passion. We are members and go so much we're actually on a first name basis with the anteaters. But the Zoo's reputation proceeds it; everyone knows it's awesome.

So here are the first five of my top ten list of my favorite kid-friendly, free gems of the city. Minus the Zoo, but it's implied.

Growing up, I was a child who got lost in books. From Little House on the Prairie and Betsy and Tacy to Little Women and Strawberry Girl, I read and re-read my favorites over and over again.

Once I found an author I loved, I would scour library shelves for every book she had ever written. This may be why I’m one of the few thirty-somethings on the planet who can actually remember the plots of such lesser-known Louisa May Alcott classics as Rose in Bloom and An Old-Fashioned Girl.

In retrospect, I probably wasn’t your typical 8 year-old.

Through it all, there was one book that stood head and shoulders above the rest: L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables. It was, and still remains, my all-time favorite, so much so that I once drug my husband and infant daughter halfway around the world to visit Prince Edward Island – only to discover that places which sound amazing in books are often beyond boring in real life. And also that Tim Horton’s coffee is not as good as Canadians believe it to be.

Some things really are better left to the imagination. Anne Shirley could have told me that.

I’m not alone in my love of all things Anne. The feisty, red-headed orphan has been a beloved literary character and “kindred spirit” to girls (and, yes, grown women too) since Anne of Green Gables was first published in 1908. Anne’s feisty nature and imaginative adventures – and her near legendary hatred of her red hair – have endeared her to generations of readers for over a century.

These days, though, die-hard Anne fans are more than a little upset – and with good reason. The homely redhead who once accidentally dyed her hair green in the hopes of turning it “a beautiful raven black,” has suddenly morphed into a buxom blonde.

Does your child love to tell stories? Kids ages 8 to 18 who want to test their storytelling and writing ability can enter the St. Louis County Library's "Write Stuff' contest and win cash prizes. The topic is family road trips, and who doesn't have a funny story about that?

(And if your child doesn't, they can make one up! In other words, both fiction and non-fiction stories are accepted.)

The contest, part of the library system's Art @ Your Library series of events, challenges participants to write an original story beginning with this sentence, “It started out like any other family road trip...”

Entries can be truthful, fictional, funny, sad, serious, sarcastic or anything, so long as the writing is original and completed by the entrant. Winners will be chosen from three groups: ages 8-10, ages 11-14, and ages 15-18.

When I listed my dining room table for sale on Craig's List a few years ago, I was super excited when I had a taker within hours. Excited and shocked, that is - that thing was hideous. It was one of the few remaining hangers on from the big furniture merge when my husband and I got married.

The buyer didn't negotiate the price and didn't want to stop by to see it in person. He would simply send his movers to my house. In hindsight these were some major red flags, but at the moment a big relief that I was finally unloading that eyesore and the fact that I wouldn't have some creeper showing up at my doorstep was a bonus.

A few days later he sent an email saying his assistant accidentally cut the check for $1,000 too much. He asked that once I deposited the check to please wire him back the overage ASAP.

Now, I know what you're thinking. SCAMMER! DON'T DO IT! REEER REEER REEER (that's my siren noise in print). But you know what I thought at the time? “Oh, okay. Sounds legit.”

My husband doesn't get many days off, so on the rare occasion we're hanging out at home all day together it sort of reminds me of when I was in sales and the district manager would pop into town and see what I'd been up to.

Which, on a good day, was blowing off my clients and taking five hour lunches at Lion's Choice with my co-workers. And, on a bad day, was blowing off my clients and sleeping off the night before in the back seat of my Mitsubishi Mirage in a mall parking lot.

I didn't really like sales all that much.

Let me be clear – for the most part Nick is so exhausted on his days off that he mostly just lays on the couch and mumbles incoherently every once in a while for some water. But being the praise-crazed (and starved) person I am, I find myself narrating my every move, giving him the “look what an awesome stay-at-home Mom I am” play-by-play of our daily routine.

Every toddler has the touch of the OCD. One minute, your child is the sweetest little ray of sunshine, and the next, she busts out with a Courtney Love on Mountain Dew level meltdown because you poured milk in her Dora cup instead of her Elmo one.

There are some kids who easily adapt and simply roll with the punches. Forgot the pink sippy cup? Well, that’s alright, mom – the green one is just spiffy! These toddlers are a rare breed and often cause a mom to stare at them with a mix of awe and wonder usually reserved for a free Hermes bag stuffed with Skinnygirl and Dove bars.

However, the breed of toddler most often observed in nature is that which mysteriously sprout talons and fangs if you put too much toothpaste on their brush.

My three-year-old falls in the latter.

When it comes to education, I have a lot of – and some would say too many – opinions.

I don’t believe in homework – at least not the ridiculous amount that so many elementary-age children are given every night, often to the detriment of quality family time, extracurricular activities, and some nights even sleep.  

I’m not a fan of the current trend towards full-day kindergarten, and the belief that we have to force our children to be “smarter faster” if they’re ever going to succeed in the adult world.

I often wonder if all the rules and schedules and bells and detentions in our schools are really preparing our kids for their future – or just teaching them to fall in line and do as their told and never truly learn to think for themselves.

Most importantly, I believe that our children need more time to play, and that the current trend to limit recess time to accommodate extra academics is both misguided and irresponsible.

And while I know I’m in the minority when it comes to many of my opinions, it turns out that even the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees with me on that last one.

A trip to the movies is supposed to be a fun form of family entertainment, but finding a film that appeals to children and adults alike – and contains subject matter that is suitable for all ages – can be quite the challenge for today’s parents.

Throw in substandard sequels (I’m looking at you Ice Age 4) and Hollywood’s escalating penchant for using its family films as mere marketing vehicles (just see last year’s partnership between The Lorax and a certain Mazda SUV), and it’s difficult to know what kind of movies are right for family audiences.  

What Are We Supposed to Watch?

Don’t get me wrong – there’s a time and a place for those Hollywood films. Even shiny 3-D blockbusters with plots that don’t make sense (Cars 2 anyone?), outdated gender stereotypes (every Disney movie ever made), and massive marketing campaigns (think Happy Meal toys) can be good for a few laughs. I’m not ashamed to admit that Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs is probably one of my favorite movies ever made.  

Stop judging. It’s that damn weasel, Buck. He gets me every time.

As a mom, though, I find myself wanting to also introduce my kids to films that, well, offer a bit more.

Even before I became a stay-at-home Mom I wasn't what anyone would consider a snappy dresser. Blame it on my Midwestern small town roots – prior to K-Mart coming to town the only place we had to buy clothes was the gas station.

That, and the fact that it took three nights of babysitting to buy a new pair of jeans (is anyone else disturbed at the inflation rates of babysitters in the last 15 years?) put me well on the path of choosing sweats over stilettos.

However, when I worked in an office, my ratio of clothes you can't sleep in vs. clothes that double as pajamas was about 5:1.

But slowly, over the course of the past three years of hanging with my kids, the tides have turned. Some people might call the way I dress “slovenly”, or “disgusting to look at,” however, every piece of clothing I wear comes with thought and purpose.

I like to call it the uniform.

As you can see, even famous moms (like Katie Holmes, above right) take cover in "the uniform," and on the streets of New York, no less.

Every month, an invitation to our elementary school’s upcoming PTA meeting arrives in my inbox. It’s a nice touch, this clever use of modern technology to gently remind the slacker moms and dads among us of our parental obligations to sell wrapping paper and plan pancake breakfasts.

But every month, I still promptly hit the delete button.

For baseball diehards, it’s a long, dark, cold winter without the sun on your face, a St. Louis dog in hand and Mike Shannon on the radio. The 2012 baseball season is a distant memory, and spring training is still seven ice-covered weeks away.

However, Jackie and Me, a new production from Metro Theatre Company and Edison Theatre is keeping baseball in play this January and bringing kids face to face with the man who broke down barriers in stadiums across the U.S.

Through the power of a magical baseball card, Joey Stoshack, a young baseball fan, and the Metro Theater Company audience are transported back to 1947 on the day Jackie Robinson becomes the first black man to play for the major leagues.

When my first child turned out to be a girl, I was ecstatic. And while you might say that the whole “becoming a mother and falling head-over-heels in love with my daughter” was the cause of my ecstasy, I’m embarrassed to say that there was another factor involved:
 
The pretty pink outfits that you can only buy for little girls.    
 

At an event the other day, my friend – a new mom with a six-month-old – mentioned an upsetting trend at her office.

I've always wondered what kind of jerk parent would take their sick kids to a public place. Specifically a public place where there would be a bunch of other kids.

I tirelessly work day in and day out sanitizing shopping carts, administering vitamins and sacrificing virgin chickens to the gods of children's wellness all to drop them off at pre-school to see some kid with the creature from the green lagoon hanging out of his nose.

I mean, how selfish! Kids spread viruses faster than Lindsay Lohan at a... well... anything – and dropping a sick kid in the middle of a bunch of healthy ones just so you can have a little break just shows a total lack of respect for anyone and everything. Reckless.

Then there was last week.

The three weeks after Christmas are a sad, sad time for a TV fan. On the plus side, we’re no longer exposed to that creepy Folgers commercial where the brother and sister practically make out at their Christmas reunion. But on the downside, we’re limited to constant reruns and bowl games named after snack foods.